Bozo's Brief Musical Career
Recently uncovered documents from the CIA have shed light of Bozo's incredibly short musical career in 1968. According to the documents, Bozo worked his way into the music business as a drag queen in New York City in 1966-67, dressed as Marilyn Monroe, singing Johnny Mathis tunes while playing the oboe powered by his high pressure flatulence. Details are sketchy, but according to local legend a seriously drunk Phil Spector wandered into the club that Bozo was performing at and propositioned him for sexual services. After a wild night of cocaine fueled pickle-smooching and ass ramming, sobriety hit Phil along with the stark realization that 'she' was, indeed, a 'he'. Phil freaked out. Badly. Bozo knew he had the upper hand and after several hours of blackmail negotiations, he had secured a one album deal with complete and total artistic control over the music and artwork.
Phil arranged for one of the hottest session bands in the New York City, The Lids, to prerecord several tracks of music that Bozo would later sing on. Bozo arrived fresh from his dumpster and the recording began in the winter of 1968. The first indication of trouble was when everyone in the studio violently stabbed at their ears with whatever objects they could find when Bozo opened his mouth. The recording engineers, expecting to hear someone crooning love songs, instead heard the most vile and disgusting noises known to man with homo erotic lyrics to match. It took 8 months to complete the album at the expense of $1.4 million, most of the cost arising from broken studio equipment and wrongful death suits. The album was finally completed, and the list of songs were as follows:
SIDE A
- Swollen Bunghole
- There's a foreign object up my ass
- Pickle smooching is ok
- Smilkshake Delight
- Trust Me (It isn't big enough to satisfy me)
SIDE B
- Wiener touching is A-OK
- Half inch diameter doody stain in my shorts
- Dried spunk on the back of my nuts blues
- I Made Doody
The session band, The Lids, after hearing what had been done to their music, immediately committed suicide. Most in the music business generally agree that this was the point when Phil Spector went stark raving mad.
The album was released. For one hour. Those who were unfortunate enough to hear it suffered permanent physical and psychological damage. All 50,000 copies were tracked down and bought up by the CIA. It's whereabouts are still classified to this day, but there is strong evidence that it has been used in harsh interrogation tactics.
Bozo was also a member of the short-lived Bozo Brummels.
