Mike Gaukin is a gay asshat and pirate wannabe who has been responsible for reprehensible behavior and various criminal acts. He was placed on probation for an incident in the Lakewood Public Library documented as follows:
January 21, 2005, Lakewood, Ohio (AP) - Lakewood police today announced the arrest of Michael Gaukin III, 35, for indecent exposure, creating a public nusiance, and resisting arrest. Officers reported receiving a call from the Lakewood Public Library that a man was observed allegedly masturbating at an internet terminal in the library. "He was going at it for a long time," said Helen York, the staff librarian. Several patrons reportedly complained that Gaukin "had his hand down his shorts" and was viewing pornography on the internet terminal. Gaukin was booked and is being held pending additional charges.
Mike Gaukin is a pickle smoocher who was caught in a liaison with Starsky Darsky in a parking lot at a Wal-Mart in 2006. He attended a "Scare The Fag Out of You" seminar at a local kook church after this, but after this was caught in a compromising position with Donner. He has also abused Usenet and electronic mail services, and is currently incarcerated for various crimes.
He also has an extensive rap sheet.
"The Library" by Maharishi Hashishi ali Ganja 2009 Mike Gaukin expelled gas. That's the fifth time today, He said. The Librarian's face withered. He's lucky he doesn't get arrested, Because jacking off in the Library Is Illegal. Others avoid the stinky pervert. Mike Gaukin has shit for brains, And now he's staining his drawers, What a mess. They wonder if he'll ever clean up. Spooge Away won't help Mike Gaukin, Jerking and farting his life away, Disgusting. Maybe he shouldn't have let Starsky butt-fuck him.