This must be perfectly clear: there can be no escape. We have installed doors by the stairwells. All lavatories have been locked for your convenience. Thus, all forms must henceforth be filled out in triplicate. The forms used heretofore will not be used nor will they be accepted. The new forms are not available. You must get the new forms from the secretariat in charge of forms. The secretariat is closed until further notice. You will play by these rules or be thrown into a CONDITION OF DOUBT from which you can only escape by filling in the proper forms and having them signed by the lavatory captain, who is now on leave.